I prod my feelings

I tried earnestly to prod my feelings, I was filled to the brim and I knew I had to tell her the reason of my insomnia.

We both were standing on the roof; observing the sunset. After little thoughts were spilled over how beautifully the yellowish-orange merged with grayish blue in the distant sky; a protracted silence followed, birds cooing, leaves rustling. Now and then an echo of whirring motor engines broke the lull. Desperately trying to break the ice; I took a deep breath and instead the air filled my ears, it seemed dying of asphyxiation was a much better idea.

Every moment was taking toll on my wretched nervous system, wherein my heart was pumping gallons of blood every minute and the feeling of inanition was killing me. I looked at her serene face, gulped the saliva flooding my now parched mouth and droned,

“Iloveu”.

An utterly strident horn of an abject and distant truck chose precisely this very moment to bellow, ravaging the placidness of the romantic atmosphere and almost subduing the sound of what I uttered: my embittered sentiments retorted to God: I was after all not that a bad guy to endure such a wrath from Him.

The repercussion was highly unexpected, “excuse me” instead of an ardent bosom saying ‘yes I do that too what you just said you do’.

Few people stopped downstairs to feed the peacock sitting over the gate whistle I wondered what kind of ‘excuse me’ was it: was it ‘EXxcuuuse me!’? (How the hell you said that!) Or ‘excuse me?’(I couldn’t hear what you just said) or ‘excuse me’ (please say it again and again… until eternity): it was definitely not the third one but then, her facial expressions gave nothing away; they were not sardonic, nor were the eyebrows arched, nor were her ardent eyes twinkling, nor was she smiling ingratiatingly, nor was she infuriate: her evasive gait and mien presaged nothing…in short I was clueless and cornered.

“HELLO! Where are you lost?” Ah! I thanked Him for His mercy as I could see a feeble and week smile playing over her lips. Casually she asked what was I saying, rasping and gasping for breath I decided there was no going back, no turning around, this moment enfolded in itself the entire eternity and essence of my short life: I said, “ I was saying that I love You—-Tube videos” ‘shit shit shit! Where the hell that came from…NOoooooo not again…looking in my sordid soul I knew I won’t find guts ever again to propose in my life…’ The only contentment was that she didn’t hear me the first time…

7 months later, she popped the imperative question again; being fed up waiting for me to take the lead. The first thing she said was, “I thought you would say ‘I love you’ again and again until eternity that day, but you are a moron”. “Which day are you talking ‘bout…”, I started to protest but ere long I knew I am a moron.