people love you

Whether other people love you is not as important as whether you love you.”

My mentor, Lynn, and I have been working on this one for years.

It is taking so long because it is a concept I am curiously resistant to.

Somehow, despite my best efforts and intentions otherwise, I consistently fail to see the equivalent value my own love has in comparison with the love I want from others, or the love I want to offer others.

Lynn reassures me that I am not the only one who struggles with this.

She finds creative ways to reinforce what we are working on, sometimes suggesting books or movies that bring the concept to life in ways that are now or could someday be parallel to my own.

Sometimes she tells me this is what she is doing. And sometimes she waits for me to figure it out on my own (I’ll give you one guess as to which method takes longer).

And don’t get me wrong here - I like the concept of loving myself. I like it a lot. I just have trouble doing it.

I don’t have trouble every day anymore, the way that I used to. But there are still some days when I perceive myself as extraordinarily un-lovable.

Those are the days when I see all the way behind the scenes of my motives and perceive an amount of self-love that is in inverse proportion to the amount of love which Lynn consistently offers to me.

That is also when I need my mentor’s perspective the most.

We don’t do well – any of us – without our own love. We need our own love much more than we need others’ love, or even our own approval, and in fact, the latter two don’t even have much to do with each other.

Approval, Lynn teaches me, relates to social and cultural rules and mores I have imbibed. Some of those rules and mores I have investigated as an adult and adopted for my own. Others, I have carried along with me in my little-girl backpack to school and back each day for years, completely unquestioned.

Sometimes, Lynn reminds me, it can be good to feel my own disapproval.

When I feel my own disapproval, I get the chance to investigate where that lack of approval is coming from, what beliefs and values drive it, whether those are my beliefs and values or someone else’s, and whether those beliefs and values are relevant or believable, or valued, in my life today.

Sometimes, I even discover that I am glad I disapproved of something I thought, said, or did, because it frees me to do that thing again in the future without my own disapproval!

But when I withhold love from myself, when I fail to love myself through an experience where I would freely extend love to a close friend or loved one, or even a stranger, that is when I am on dangerous ground for resuming old habits and behaviors that can lead me in very dangerous directions.

We can share the love we feel for ourselves with others, but we can't replace a lack of love for ourselves with someone else's love.

When I withhold love from myself, I no longer want to be me, because I don’t want to live in a world without love.

When I withhold love from myself, I refuse to accept love from anyone else either, because I have deemed myself un-lovable, and thus unworthy of love.

When I withhold love from myself, I take an eraser to my presence, to the point where everyone else can see me, but I no longer can.

Most dangerously, when I withhold love from myself, I often don’t realize that is what I am doing, and I need help to figure out what the issue is, have a dialogue with myself, make my own amends, and come back into my own presence with humility, grace, and ….. love.

Today’s Takeaway: Where have you been withholding love from yourself, and what are your reasons for the withholding? How does it make you feel – when you live in your own skin but without love or compassion for yourself? Are you happy living that way? Would you like to be happy again? Then consider what grounds you have for withholding love from yourself. Ask yourself if you would be so harsh with a loved one or a friend, or even a stranger. Then make adjustments accordingly, and ask for help to do so if you need it.

No comments:

Post a Comment


2012 2012 calendar 3 Tamil Movie 3D Wallpapers actress Afghanistan ajith baby Antara Mali Anushka Shetty apple iphone Asin australia cricket team Avast AVG 2012 Ayyappa baby Bangalore Best Photo best political tips Birth Day Greetings Body fitness exercises buildings buldings car CCL central park Chennai Rhino's Chennai Super kings Chris Gayle christian christmas Christmas Greetings Cobra Tower coffee kiss collage girls dance design Divya Padmini DNA Elephant Eye february greetings fire heart Fire Stills fish Flower Gifts Friendship Greetings funny still Ganesh GOA TOURISM God Bless GOKARNA TOURISM Golden Temple Good Afternoon Greetings Good evening Greetings Good monirng Greetings Good Night Greetings Graphics Images hair Happy new year greetings Hello Greetings hills Hindu Holly Day Greetings Human heart ice art Ice Rose Ileana D'Cruz best images for latest Ilieana lovely stills indian cricket team Indian Flag Indian girls Indian Tourism intex mobile IPL Season 5 Jallikattu jesus jewelry joke jyothikas daughter diya kajol agarwal Kangana Ranaut karbonn mobile Kareena Kapoor Karnataka Turisum KATRINA KAIF KERALA TRAVEL Kuwait Lord Buddha Lord Matha Lord Shiva love love story lovely steps Mahatma Gandhi Make Money moon Mother Teresa motorcycles Ms Pinaki Mitra (Kinnar) Mumbai Heroes Nanban Movie nature nature hd stills No Smoking Nokia Nokia 1006 NOKIA 5030 XpressRadio Nokia 5250 Nokia 808 PureView Nokia Asha 201 Nokia Asha 300 Nokia Asha 302 Nokia Asha 303 Nokia C1-00 Nokia C2-01 Nokia C3-01 Nokia C5-03 Nokia C6-01 Nokia C7 nokia coolest mobile Nokia E5 nokia e6 Nokia E7 Nokia E7-00 nokia lumina 610 nokia lumina 710-T Mobile nokia lumina 800 Nokia N8 nokia n810 Nokia N9 Nokia N900 Nokia N97 nokia ngage nokia ngage n81 nokia wp7 nokia x Nokia X2-01 Nokia X3-02 Nokia X5-01 Nokia X6 Nokia X7-00 Olimpics Olympics onida mobiles Paal Pongal Preity Zinta pulsar 200cc pulsar 220cc Republic Day Greetings Sachin Tendulkar samsung mobile sananda Sex change racket shruti hasan Shruti Hassan Wallpapers 2010 Shubha Phutela Sivan smartphone Smoking sony ericsson smartphone sony ericsson xperia Sony erisson Sony erisson mobiles Sony-Ericsson-W995 sony-ericsson-yendo Space collections storys Sunday Greetings sunset Suzuki GS150R sweet ice cream Tamilmovie Tamilnadu Tourism The Niagara Falls Park Thuppaki tiger Transgender Trisha Udita Goswami USA Valentines Day Greetings videos Vidya Balan vodafone mobile Wedding Greetings world beach library world cup wp7 ie9 mobile y this kolaveri di yesu youvaraj singh Zoe Saldana